Leaven Leaving

Today I truly felt sad. My wife came home from Costco with egg nog. EGG NOG! Now, I know what you are thinking. First, why is egg nog on sale in September ? The second may not be so obvious. Let me explain. Egg nog means holidays. Holidays mean food. Food means happiness. My birthday is wrapped up in the middle of it all, too. It's a season I love. I love all the home cooking. The cookies that are baked. The pumpkin seeds that are roasted. The stuffing and the gravy. Oh, the gravy! The holiday beers. Popcorn. Nuts. Winter squash. Turkey, ham, lamb. Cheese plates and veggie trays. And the parties. Any excuse to gather around food. So when I saw that egg nog I realized for the first time what this diet actually means. Sacrifice. Going without my favorite foods during my favorite time of the year is going to be very difficult. Earlier I wrote about saying no to myself. While I knew that this would be difficult, I didn't understand the full weight of that statement. I am going t...

I want to lose weight, look better and feel better. One of the first steps toward this goal is to make a list of 10 reasons why I want to do this for myself. I want to be very specific here. STOP SNORING. Seriously. I have lived my whole adult life without getting a full night's sleep. I wake up unrested and ready to go back to bed. I've become addicted to caffeine because I cannot make it through the day without it. WALK UP THE STAIRS WITHOUT BEING SHORT OF BREATH. I can usually make it up the first flight with no problem. There's a problem when I have to tackle several flights. I usually slow way down when I get to the top and pause thoughtfully, so I can catch my breath without drawing attention to the fact that I was missing it. SIT ON THE FLOOR WITHOUT MY LEGS GOING NUMB. I don't know if you have this problem, but I do. I like to get on the floor and play with my kids but I usually hide the fact that I am uncomfortable by laying flat, which takes up more of t...

This morning I read something from a book that has nothing to do with dieting or eating healthy or even exercise. But it has everything to do with the journey that I am on. One of the reasons it's so hard for us to deny ourselves is because the whole idea seems to go against our greatest desire in life. Most everyone would say what they want more than anything else is to be happy. We're convinced that the path to happiness means saying yes to ourselves. Indulgence is the path to happiness, so to deny ourselves seems to go in the opposite direction of what will make us happy (Idleman, 2011, p. 150). We're convinced that the path to happiness means saying yes to ourselves . I say yes to myself for everything. Yesterday my wife was sitting at the dining room table with a cheese plate before here. Fancy, imported cheese. The kind I liked to eat before my intervention began. And without thinking I reached for a piece and consumed it in a way that reminded me of my old self. G...

Today I was standing near a counter and doing some normal task on the countertop. I usually lean against the counter, my belly resting against its edge. This had been my normal posture. But then the thought occurred to me, "One day I will be thin and I bet thin people's bellies don't touch the counter when they lean into it." So I stood up, sucked up, and finished my task without touching my belly to the counter. And then I made a connection. Just this morning I was looking in the mirror at my face and I started to imagine myself different, smaller, thin. At first I couldn't. Then that's all I wanted to do. I started to like myself as I imagined my new look. I fully recognize that my life and how I have understood it is going to change. Starting to visualize it is just the first step. Day three was actually September 10, 2014.

If day one was surprisingly easy, the second day proved to be equally and oppositely challenging. My meal plan calls for a rejection of my regular foods and an incorporation of processed, sugar-free foods. Before the intervention I ate good, home-cooked meals. Rarely ate processed foods and never ate sugar substitutes. I just ate a lot of the foods I did eat! But now I am eating foods so foreign to me. When I open the packages, I can smell the fake sugar! And the taste is getting to me. In my previous post I mentioned that my portion sizes have been dramatically reduced. This is still true. In the afternoon my wife mentioned to me that my breath was bad--she described it as "fasting breath." If you have never fasted for any length of time, you may not know that there is a physiological process that begins to occur after a certain length of time. Namely, your body begins to process all of the stored toxins and other waste. They come out in your pores and from your tongue--th...

My first day on my first ever diet was surprisingly easy. What struck me was how content I was by eating so little. Even though my portion size was dramatically reduced, I was eating so frequently throughout the day I hardly noticed. I took "before" photos, one frontal and one side view. I'll post these later. And I took measurements. Even though my plan suggests these measurements are private, I've decided to share them here because my aim is to share what I've learned along the way. How I look now and how I measure up will change. The information I am gathering now will be used to compare how much I've grown, so to speak. Age at the start of the intervention: 34 years Weight at the start of the intervention: 288 lbs. Neck: 18 3/4" Chest (at nipple): 51 1/2" Chest (below): 49" Waist: 52 1/2" Hips: 51" Arm: 18" Thigh: 28" Day one was actually September 8, 2014.

I am on a journey. You are welcome to join me here. You don't need to pack anything for the trip; I don't even need to pack anything for the trip. In fact, I will be unpacking things along the way. Yes, this is a personal blog. No, you do not have to read it. But if you do, a little encouragement can go a long way. Hopefully, we can encourage each other. I am staging an intervention. For myself. Earlier this year I tipped the scale beyond 300 pounds and for the first time in my life grew scared. So I began to change the things I knew to change--portion control, certain types of foods, whether or not to exercise, drinking water--but ultimately these things will only take me so far. You see, I am an addict. Among other things I am addicted to food. The sights and smells of food being prepared in the kitchen only serve to heighten my arousal. I eat because I'm happy; I eat because I'm sad; I eat because I'm bored. And if I really like it, I will eat some more. That...